A Nordo at Heart

I've become a really cranky old bastard. Sometimes I just can't let stuff go. I have to bitch and whine. I promise not to whine right now about Centigrade on the ATIS while keeping the F temp. a secret. I want to whine about radio use at the basic unicom level. Non-tower, CTAF, etc. This has gotten so bad that the AOPA and the FAA are doing some extra education items about it. Even though Gen. Av. is dying a slow and not so slow death which makes for less busy patterns, the radio chatter of useless talk is getting worse. On a busy Unicom frequency any extra chatter can cause someone to miss important information. Now don't get me wrong-- I love to talk and I love to bullshit on the radio. But I do it when it's safe, not busy, and I do it on a bullshit frequency. I've found lately, that on a busy CTAF frequency, you can't hear all the traffic because some planes are just talking too much. I'm preaching to the choir. But if I could talk to these big shot pilots who just have to hear themselves talk all the time I would say this: Stop talking. Just listen. It's safer. You don't have to report every leg of the pattern, even if your instructor told you to. He was doing that to get you used to the radio. Not so you would do it in every pattern for the rest of your life. You're not a student anymore. So shut up. Don't report "clear of the runway" after landing. This is a stupid rookie waste of air time. One exception is that if the runway has a slope, or there is fog, or you are unsure of your position, of course, obviously, speak up. In these cases, you need to be saying "I'm still on the runway" Remember the two 747's in the Canary Islands. Worst air disaster. Now having said that, at a normal airport the planes in the pattern can see you. So there is no reason to take up busy frequency time making a really stupid call. Almost as bad is the stupid call of "this is N- so and so taxiing out for takeoff. I hear this a lot. Don't do it. Unless the end of the runway or taxiway is not visible. See above. I really think that these kinds of superfluous calls are just because pilots want to play "controlled field". But we need that frequency free to alert airplanes of real conflicts. Now the worst of all. The call from the pilot who is making his initial Unicom call. He says his position and intentions. That's fine. Then he says something like " is anyone in the pattern?" Or even worse "anyone at so and so airport please advise" These calls are from pilots who don't know what they are doing and want everyone else to report to them and tell them what to do. When you hear that call, now you are forced to tie up the frequency to find out where that asshole is because he may get you killed. The trend on CTAF seems to be an attitude of "I'm gonna use my radio to talk my way in here and that will keep me safe". My advice to pilots in a busy pattern on a busy frequency is shut up and fly your airplane. I have an example of of the talk too much attitude. It happened about a month ago. I was coming home from down south in my little airplane. I needed fuel and it was about 7 PM and a lot of places close at five. I wanted a bathroom and some food too. I wanted a big airport, but not a tower. So Richmond's Hanover Ashland was perfect and I was only an hour from home . Fuel would cost a little more but I'd get a happy quick turnaround. I got the AWOS and figured they'd be landing south. I monitored the frequency. The frequency was quiet. It was so quiet that I felt comfortable talking to the FBO on Unicom. The nice young lady on Unicom told me yes on fuel and that they use a truck and she would send a signalman out to park me. It was a lovely summer night. I flew a crosswind over the field, and I announced it. Not a plane around. Landed south and taxied in. Got a great turnaround and was back in the plane refreshed with a coffee to go in 20 minutes. In no hurry, I sipped my coffee and listened to the AWOS on the ramp. Winds only 4 knots still favoring the south runway. So I taxi out. Finally comes my example. I hear a plane on the frequency announce a base leg to the north runway. I don't really care that we're setting up to different runways because I got a long way to taxi and I just figure I'll let him land. We can both use the runway we want. OK fine, but the guy starts calling me on the radio. "Ah, airplane going to runway 18 at Hanover what are your intentions"? So now I'm not having fun anymore, because I got to think about this guy who has to talk to me before he can just land. I don't have him in sight. Then he announces he is departing on runway 36. I still don't care what he does, but now I'm confused. I would have sworn he called on base leg a couple minutes ago and I don't see how he could have landed and taxied back that quick. Maybe he did. But I got the feeling he was on the ground the whole time and just accidentally said base leg. Now this guy is taking off north and says he is staying in the pattern. Fine. I check the pattern carefully, as both runways seem to be active. I announce my takeoff and go on 18. He calls me again asking if I am staying in the pattern. I answer him while I am rotating. This breaks my own rule of "Fly the Airplane". This guy had drawn me into his sick world of all the airplanes must talk and coordinate. If he would have just left me alone and made simple announcements, it could have been safe and nice. I shook all that off as I climbed, turned down the radio, opened the canopy, flew northeast, watched the sun set behind my left shoulder and saw the Rappahannock, a silver snake at my twelve.